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The Other Conclave: A Papal Election for the Digital Age

The Other Conclave: A Papal Election for the Digital Age The Other Conclave: A Papal Election for the Digital Age While the world awaits the white smoke from Rome, a parallel conclave has quietly convened—not in the Sistine Chapel, but in the digital catacombs of the internet. In a simulation inspired by the 1492 papal election, I, Killian Yates, have been elected Pope, assuming the mantle of spiritual leadership for a new generation. This modern conclave, reminiscent of the immersive simulations conducted at the University of Chicago, where students don Renaissance attire and engage in intricate political maneuvering [Source] , serves as a conduit for exploring the complexities of power, faith, and governance. In this digital reenactment, alliances are forged through encrypted messages, and doctrines are debated in virtual forums. As the newly elected Pope in this simulation, my papacy is dedicated to the principles of unity, freedom of express...
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The Japanese Lantern - OR SHOULD I SAY HOT AIR BALLOON? Or should I say James and the giant peach?

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https://photos.app.goo.gl/YNdGxC2ubhuqEEhCA if you let Donald Trump and Elon win and kill me then there will be nobody left who cares about or knows about the history of our nations to defend you. https://www.linkedin.com/posts/killianyates_international-federation-of-red-cross-and-activity-7320698154188734464-mbQM?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_android&rcm=ACoAAD6U28ABQAuGfPmf8OtaAEi9xDMtTFyJXfI The Lighthouse That Never Was The Lighthouse That Never Was: How a Crashed Craft and Commodore Perry Changed Maritime History By A. Holtzman | March 2025 | The Signal Ledger The story of Commodore Matthew Perry’s 1853 expedition to Japan is typically framed in terms of diplomacy and steam power. Textbooks describe the “Black Ships” as symbols of American industrial might, forcing open a centuries-closed Japan. But recent re-analyses of archival materials — combined with declassified wartime intelligence — suggest a much more complex motivation behind t...
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LGBTQ+HW: When the Ocean Is Your Therapist and the Undertow Is Your Truth

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LGBTQ+HW: When the Ocean Is Your Therapist and the Undertow Is Your Truth LGBTQ+HW: When the Ocean Is Your Therapist and the Undertow Is Your Truth By Killian Yates (Satire, But Not Really) Published: March 29, 2025, 7:15 PM PST In a bold move toward inclusive identity politics that somehow manages to confuse even the most progressive dolphin, the federal government has quietly acknowledged two new additions to the LGBTQ+ alphabet: H for Horse and W for Walrus . No, this isn’t satire. Except it is. But it also isn’t. See, in today’s America, it’s not enough to identify as pansexual, gender-fluid, or Two-Spirit. That’s 2022 talk. In 2025, true enlightenment comes when you decide you’re an aquatic mammal with rights—particularly, the right to drown in the icy surf while chasing a jellyfish hallucination your TikTok therapist told you is part of your healing journey. This week, yet another young person—this tim...
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This Isn’t a Joke: Why Transgender Bathroom Politics Aren’t Just Culture War Bait

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This Isn’t a Joke: Why Transgender Bathroom Politics Aren’t Just Culture War Bait This Isn’t a Joke: Why Transgender Bathroom Politics Aren’t Just Culture War Bait By Killian Yates Published: March 29, 2025, 5:00 PM PST There’s a dangerous habit in American politics of turning real human struggles into wedge issues—into tribal cues used to win elections or distract from actual governance. Transgender bathroom access has become one of those issues. But while both sides scream past each other on TV and social media, the people caught in the middle—especially children, survivors of abuse, and the gender-diverse themselves—are the ones paying the price. So let me be absolutely clear, without satire or sarcasm: I am not interested in performative outrage, virtue signaling, or clickbait fearmongering. I’m interested in safety, human dignity, and functional public systems. Privacy and Safety Aren’t Partisan The first principle...
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The Cybertruck Conspiracy

The Cybertruck Conspiracy: Elon Musk’s Masterpiece of Vaporware The Cybertruck Conspiracy: How Elon Musk Is Revolutionizing Vaporware and Professional Distractors By Killian Yates A satirical critique by an independent observer of the Tesla phenomenon. The Cybertruck: From Sci-Fi Dream to Marketing Mirage When Tesla unveiled the Cybertruck in 2019, it promised a revolution in automotive design—a stainless steel beast that could supposedly survive a sledgehammer attack but couldn’t survive a poorly executed demo of its “bulletproof” windows. Despite that, deposits poured in faster than Musk’s Twitter feuds. And now, five years later, Tesla enthusiasts are still waiting for their futuristic vehicles, while the rest of us are left wondering if Musk is really just pioneering the world’s first subscripti...
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TARGETED TONSIL TORCHERS

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Targeted Tonsil Torchers TARGETED TONSIL TORCHERS Where Innovation Meets Rationalization™ In an age where wellness and addiction dance an awkward tango, MegaTobacco Industries proudly presents our most audacious innovation yet. You’ve seen us rebrand addiction as choice, harmful chemicals as flavor enhancers, and corporate greed as consumer advocacy. Now, witness our greatest feat of linguistic gymnastics: The Targeted Tonsil Torcher – because why let ethics get in the way of a good marketing campaign? Our groundbreaking Precision Pharyngeal Delivery System™ ensures that 90% of carcinogens bypass your precious dental work, redirecting them to where nature intended – those expendable little sentinels at the back of your throat. Think of it as a GPS for guilt-free gratification. After all, what’s the point of having backup organs if you’re not willing to sacrifice them for convenience? The Science of Selective D...
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How to win customers like the big bad wolf

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How to Win Customers and Influence Cookies | Liberty Gazette Liberty Gazette How to Win Customers and Influence Cookies The Modern Marketing Playbook for Lazy, Greedy Data Addiction In today’s #marketing world, who needs authentic customer interest when you’ve got cookies and tracking links to do the heavy lifting? Gone are the days of crafting clever campaigns to attract people who actually want your product... Cookies: The Sugar High of Marketing Cookies used to be a nice treat. Now, they’re the modern marketer’s go-to method for “engagement”... Targeting “Your Perfect Audience”…Whether They Like It or Not Remember when marketing meant finding people who might actually need your product?... The Art of “Engagement” — or How to Trick People ...
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