City of Grants Pass fed up with fatties

The Fatty Fighters Decree in Grants Pass

Grants Pass Report

The Fatty Fighters Decree in Grants Pass

Date: 2024-03-09

In Grants Pass, the health-obsessed city council enacted the Fatty Fighters Decree, enforcing the Double Chin Ratio (DCR) instead of BMI to measure citizens' right to dine in public. Police, equipped with measuring tapes, measured necks to determine who could eat where, pushing those with higher DCRs to a lower social tier.

Law enforcement's "snack stops" became the norm, with frisks for hidden snacks leading to arrests for possession of unauthorized food. Proxy purchasing food for those with high DCRs was criminalized, making slim individuals smugglers of fast food in a new, absurd black market.

Come National Cheeseburger Day, the Belly Brigade's presence turned celebrations into an eerie display of control, with arrests for those skirting mandatory exercise. In opposition, the Girth Guardians mobilized, disrupting enforcement with flash mob picnics and underground messages advocating for bodily autonomy.

In the midst of this upheaval, local sentiment was a mixture of dismay and perverse satisfaction. A particularly outspoken resident, Marge Kellerson, shared her controversial take in an interview with the city's news outlet: "It's just unpleasant, you know, to see... well, fatties waddling around. They're an eyesore! With this new decree, we're cleaning up the streets. It's about time we held them accountable. If they can't take care of themselves, then lock 'em up until they slim down, that's what I say. It's a government-sponsored diet plan, free of charge! You block my view twice with your bulk, and bingo, off you go! The city's gonna make you fit whether you like it or not."

Her words echoed a troubling new reality where personal aesthetics infringed upon basic freedoms, further casting the overweight population not just as a public health concern, but as a group to be shunned and corrected, out of sight and out of mind.

As the day ended, Grants Pass faced a reality check: the Fatty Fighters Decree had not fostered health but highlighted a societal sickness of intolerance, infringing on freedoms and humiliating its citizens, akin to the marginalization of the homeless. The question lingered: At what cost does governance over body size come, and is it worth the price of personal freedom?

Grants Pass Report, © 2024

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